Dating After Dumped

I will probably put stuff up before my account expires, but I will not be renewing this.  I want to see how many props I get on this particular post.  They will all be approved, and from then forward those comments will be recognized as spam.

Let me start off by saying that pick up and seduction theory is bullshit.  It’s not bullshit in that it’s wrong, it’s bullshit in that nobody ever needs to logically know it in order to become good with women.  It’s like basketball, actually.  When I was in high school, I really wanted to be on the school team.  So I went to the court alot, studied what the really good people did to fake others out, and tried to copied their patterns.  (This, btw, is exactly what guys in the seduction community do with picking up women).

Let’s put it this way.  I practiced 1-2 hours a day every single day, and I remained horrible.  One kid told me, “You’re getting WORSE!  You’re mad predictable!”  Now I rarely ever practice basketball, but I am more connected with my body, and have a better sense of switching directions, and I’m faking people out much more easily than before.

So in the same vein, don’t study pick up and seduction theory, and don’t memorize patterns for basketball.  It’s a waste of time.  Today I’m going to talk about passing “shit tests,” but in reality all you have to do is know what you want, and be proud of it.

So I was at the cafeteria at my campus, getting some french fries because I would have died in judo with the little bit I ate for lunch.  I saw this gorgeous angel of a girl, and I was happily checking her out, when this other really cute girl who was also getting lunch looked at me and smiled.  I smiled back but I thought nothing of it.

So coincidentally I was on line behind her.  First thing I noticed was that she didn’t speak a lot of English.  But the second thing I noticed was that she bought what looked like enough food to feed five people.  I teased her, and said, “Is this all for yourself?”  She replied, “Yeah, it’s dinner.”

While paying the cashier for the fries, I thought to myself that I could either finish the fries while waiting like an idiot in the fitness center, or I could eat the fries with a cute girl.  So I walked up to her, and said, “Hey, are you eating this now or later?”  She looked weirded out, and replied, “Huh?”  I was like, “Are you eating it now or later?”  She responded, “Yeah, now or later.”  She wanted to leave.

“Cuz if you’re eating it now, I have ten minutes to eat these fries and I don’t want to eat them alone.  You wanna eat with me?”  She replied, “I have to eat with my friends.  But you can come if you want.”  This is a shit test.  Many guys would either tag along because they can’t get a girl to hang around them to save their lives, or they would decline because they don’t want to seem like the guy who can’t get a girl to hang around them to save their lives.  But I have pleasant experiences with girls all the time, so those insecurities just weren’t mine (though I can understand them because I used to have them all the time).j

So I just followed her to where her friends were.  Remember that how you’re feeling at a moment is much more important than the micro-details that you do.  I was there and I was feeling like I was entitled to sitting with three gorgeous girls to eat my french fries for ten minutes before going to judo.  So I said, “Hey, I don’t want to eat my french fries alone, so I came to eat with you guys.”

One girl, she was Swiss, decided to shit test me.  She said, “You can’t finish that?  I’ll take it!”  I said, “That’s not what I said.  I said I’ll eat with you guys.”  She repeated, “If you can’t eat that, we’ll eat it.”  I said, a little irkedly, “No, this is mine… I’ll get a chair.”  So without any hesitation, I pulled a chair and sat with them.  I’m pretty sure that surprised them, and the Swiss girl said, “Oh, I thought you didn’t want to eat your fries.”

The three girls talked in another language, and for the most part it’s because they’re more comfortable with that language, but I think they also wanted to see if they could make me uncomfortable and leave.  I just watched them speak, and I was amused (at people speaking a different language, NOT their poor attempt to alienate me.  lol  In fact, if I thought that, then there would be a great deal of spite and I would have failed.  I’m only getting so analytical now I’m writing this.  It’s much more about staying solid and confident than turning their tests on their faces, if you know what I mean.)

The first girl (she’s Italian) and the Swiss girl took turns looking at me and smiling.  I spoke very little, but what was important was I didn’t feel the all-too-familiar “I’m so lost what should I do” feeling I usually had in the past.  The British girl didn’t look at me as much, but she’s pretty ugly (fine I lied about the three cute girls ) so good riddance.  A fourth girl sat down.  She was from Spain.  They were dancers except for the Swiss girl, who was a photographer.

At one point I actually told the Swiss girl, “Here, I can’t finish the fries.  You can have some if you want.”  But letting her now is different than saying it before, because if I let her before it would be like saying, “Please, please accept me into your group!  I will give you all my fries so that possibly you may let me sit down!  Please!”  Funny because she actually said no, so as I said it was a test.

At one point I actually told the girls to do a dance for me.  The British girl objected, “No, I’m okay.”  The Italian girl looked like she wanted to, but was afraid to because nobody else would do it.  And I guess the Spanish girl followed the British girl.  So I guess she’s the leader, but I really didn’t get a good feeling from her.  So, not to single out the Swiss girl, I asked her if there were some of her photos on her phone.  She showed me some of her photography and photoshop skills, which were pretty cool.

Then it was time for me to leave, and I left my fries because I couldn’t finish them.  I said that my hand was greasy so the Swiss girl grabbed the back of the hand for a handshake.  The Italian girl grabbed my palm, then looked scared when other girls started laughing, and when I found that she didn’t mind, I held her hand tight and looked her in the eyes, caressing her hand as I let go.  The British girl didn’t even want to touch me lol.  The Spanish girl held the back of my hand in a kind of exotic, seductive manner as we held contact.  Then I joked, “I hope I remember all of your names if I see you again.”

Fine, the last part wasn’t a joke.

Enjoy. 

Question:

“I’m thinking about asking out a girl who works out at my gym. I am low on money nowadays and I’d like to come up with a unique date idea that won’t require me to spend much money. Maybe since we both like to exercise, there’s some type of physical activity we could go out and do together. Or should a first date take place at night, over dinner?”

Answer:

Hey man,
I don’t think you should ask her to a physical activity thing, nor do I think you should ask her to something at night.  This is what I think.  A date is only a means for you to build comfort and familiarity with someone else, and it happens after it’s established that there is attraction.

I think that a perfect first date, and this is so f*cking perfect because you’re on it whether she said yes or not, is right at the gym.  Why is this?
It’s simple.  First, you are most attractive when you are doing something you both love doing, and are good at.  If you’re paying money to be at the gym, then I hope that that applies to you.  Second, you produce lots and lots of testosterone when you’re exercising (especially squatting), and that’s enough to turn the girl on.  She’s also in her body from exercising, and therefore much more easy to turn on.

So first step is “attraction,” because without it she won’t see you as a possibility.  I do NOT recommend going out of your way to get your attention.  Considering the article you commented under, I want to assume you can figure out why.  Next time you go to the gym, I want you to focus on one thing only: giving yourself a brutal workout.  Between sets, when you’re sweating and huffing and puffing, and too much so to even be nervous, you walk up to her, stroke her arm, smile and say hi.  Regardless of her response, continue doing your workout.  Guys are a lot sexier to women when they seem focused on a goal greater than chasing tail.

Side note: It’s completely okay to check her out between sets.  Listen very carefully on this one: whether she knows it or not, whether the two of you are going to act upon it, even if she completely “rejects” you, the moment you decided you were attracted to her, she already is your lover.  Therefore, if she “catches” you checking her out, just look into her eyes while already knowing this truth.  It’s tricky.  Don’t make seductive glances.  Look at her as if you’re already in the process of making slow love.  If you’re going to say anything to her, say it as if you’ve just finished making hot passionate love with her, and are completely unattached with whatever she says to you.

That’s all the advice I can solidly give you.  I want to tell you to tease the heck out of her, but that’s just not my style.  My friend has some teasing tips which might or might not help you.

http://innerconfidence.com/blog/high-octane-flirting/
http://innerconfidence.com/blog/flirt-her-face-off-tip-2-of-7/

So yeah.  Your first “date(s)” with her would be in the gym.  If you want to ask her to grab a drink with you right after you guys are done working out, that’s the second real date.  Nothing has to be at night, and nothing has to be really unique, because like I said before, even if she doesn’t immediately get with you, she has been your lover the very second you set eyes on her.

If you guys talk about some other stuff and she says that she does yoga (most women do yoga), ask her if she wants to teach you yoga sometime.  Or if you both like a certain type of food, ask her if she wants to go to a certain restaurant with you.  But again, don’t do it as a means of getting laid with her, because she will feel it.  Everything you say to her, say it as if you’ve already given her the greatest sex of her life.

Good luck,
Kevin

From Robbie Kramer of Inner Confidence.  For the words in bold, replace with whatever you like.

What’s your biggest frustration with women?

I always assume they’re taken, and then I often give up.

What have you tried so far that hasn’t worked for you?

I honestly don’t think I tried anything.

What’s your biggest fear when it comes to finding your purpose?

My vision of my life is often a blur and I can’t find the main road.

What worries you – what are you afraid will happen if you don’t do something immediately?

I will keep wondering.

What would you be willing to do to get better at escalating?

I want to get to Robbie’s Pillars of Concrete Connection (lol is that the name?) workshop

If you could have one question answered about finding your purpose, what would it be?

Why do I so often feel so unsure?

Imagine you’re tired at home, and thirsty.  And you decide to pour in your glass cup some nice, refreshing water.  How would you feel if you knew that there was drilling oil and methane all over the glass?

Or how about you are completely filthy, and you want to take a shower.  Or wash your face.  Maybe you just came from a rough football game.  Maybe you were just finished having some great sex.  Or maybe you were just so damn lazy that you didn’t shower for a week.  Maybe you’re paranoid about germs and getting sick.  Maybe you just like the feel of stepping out of the shower, clean and refreshed.  Now imagine if showering would make you dirtier.  More prone to sickness.  More prone to break-outs.  Imagine if showering is equivalent to rolling under a car with a leaking tank.

You don’t like that.  So as a decent human being, would you like it if New Yorkers, long known to have one of the cleanest and safest water supplies in America, are about to suffer this fate?

I know that even if I didn’t live in New York, I would still want to save the water supply.  I don’t think it’s fair that corporations are doing this kind of damage to our planet.  And if these oil companies are free to drill here in New York, they’ll get ballsy and find some “new frontiers” to drill in as well!

This isn’t the 19th Century!  Our planet’s resources are no longer as abundant as they once were.  Half of our furniture is made of sawdust and not real wood.  We are amidst a middle-aged planet, and we should do what we can to keep people from taking more unnecessary resources from it.

And not to mention, this is MY water!  It’s the water of my birth city, which I’ve consumed before I could even remember.  That’s why I’m so damn passionate about this!

Donate or petition today!

http://www.environmentnewyork.org/action/clean-water/drilling-petition

And don’t even try to put any unrelated comment here, even if it’s saying, “Great article!”  If it’s not putting food on the table, it will NOT be approved.

It’s tough.  Up there it’s natural to be extremely masculine, and I really want to bring all of it down to the city.  But it’s tough.

Up there, you could scream at the top of your lungs and if you wandered off, nobody’s going to hear you.  I got lost hiking once, so I would know.  I want to be able to do that here in NYC, especially after a long day of brainwork, with little use of my emotions and my instinct.  But the only place where I can scream like that is in Judo practice, when I’m throwing a guy.

Also, with the poison plants and rattlers laid out like mines all over, you couldn’t daydream or you could die.  I really want to bring that awareness back to New York, but it’s so different.  First of all, there is simply no need to stay aware all the time.  Second of all, with all the noise coming from all different directions, it becomes a chore being aware of everything at once, as well as be aware of all your other senses (all of which are necessary if you want to use your instinct).  I am also more convinced than ever that the computer causes us to become strangers with our own bodies.

Up in the woods, you could sit near a campfire and just look at the stars (remember those?) all night, or have a slow campfire chat and actually connect instead of just giving shallow and sometimes witty comments like people tend to do in the city.  And just admire nature until you could admire no more, because you are PART of nature, and it is part of you.  Then you feel like you’re home.

One thing I don’t miss, though, is sleeping in a tent.  One of my tent mates snored so loudly that I felt like he was screaming instead of snoring.  I killed him.  LOL  Just kidding.  But I think that our tent reflects sound waves, in a way where the focal point of the converging reflector is exactly where my ears are.  It was terrible.  What’s even worse was sleeping in an airplane between two guys.  I think I slept 2 hours the night I was flying back here, and at one point my head was resting on one guy’s shoulders and I was basically playing footsies with the other guy (they were both strangers).  And even then I thought it was hard to sleep.  I also spent another hour sleeping on a food tray, with my right hand as a pillow.  My hand lost its senses for the whole day, like I had a stroke for some reason.

I am sleeping very well every night now, maybe because I was used to worse, and maybe because I’m so tired from being as alert as possible throughout the day.

The picture was of me camping, during a hike.  I drank with the guys before trying to look for a plane.  But I got back with no trouble.  Except that I had a hard time sleeping during the flight (at the very time I was supposed to sleep).  As soon as I got home, I quickly showered, put my dress shirt on and went to work.  I was so friggin exhausted yesterday.

I’m going to LA tomorrow morning.  I made a video of myself rambling about it.  Enjoy…

PS Youtube cut me off again.  But I like how this was automatically embedded in.  Like very much.